How To Date Japanese Girls (Part Two)

In another post, I discussed how having a good income and the right job, having the right education, and following Japanese social norms can help you get the Japanese girl of your dreams. I’ll finish the discussion in this post, by talking about stereotypes, confidence, your physical appearance, and persistence. So, without further ado, here are a few more tips on how to date Japanese girls like a pro.

Be a Stereotypical Man

This might sound negative, but Japanese girls are extremely sexist, by western standards. It’s not necessarily a bad thing; it’s just part of Japanese culture. While other countries are empowering women’s rights, and most non-Japanese women are gaining careers and important positions in society, Japanese women are happy to remain housewives. They manage the money (all of it), send their husband off to produce more of that money, and they stay home: cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids. As always, there is no generality that applies to every specific instance. In cities like Tokyo, you might find more independent women with more open ideas. In the countryside, you might find more traditional women. Still, it isn’t a good plan to assume that any woman that you meet in Japan automatically agrees with more western viewpoints. The fact is that, in general, the chance is high that you will meet a woman that believes a man’s role in the relationship is to produce money and take care of the woman. To play it safe, assume that your girl will think this way, and go out of your way to be the stereotypical man: give her flowers and gifts, hold the door for her, pull out her chair for her, and pay for her meal. Show her that you will provide for her and protect her. These small gestures go further in Japan than they might in other countries, where this type of behavior might appear to sleight the woman’s individual agency and empowerment.

Have Confidence

Japanese girls, seemingly more than other girls, respond to confidence. Their culture teaches them that it is the man who should lead, and that he should “get” the girl. If you think about it, this concept is everywhere in Japanese society. Think of how men and women are portrayed in the movies and anime that you watch, and in the manga that you read. The man is usually portrayed as a strong, samurai-like person, while the woman is often demurring, flower-like, soft. A “good” woman, in Japan, is a quiet, submissive woman. This is not always the reality of Japanese society (see: feminine men, overbearing women) but it is the general stereotype that resides in the minds of those dating in Japan. This is why, as a man, you need to be careful when choosing a Japanese woman. At first, she may appear polite, soft, and gentle, but this may be an illusion; she may just be acting out a stereotype, which she thinks she must do, in order to catch a man. Meanwhile the Japanese man, even if he is weak, has to do the same thing. He is expected to appear strong, impenetrable, and confident. So even if, inside, a Japanese woman might have a strong personality, in general, they will not be the first one to speak up or ask you out on a date. They will not be the first one to choose the place, or decide the details of the date. You have to do those things. Approach her with respectful confidence and lead the way, and she will follow.

Be Persistent

Persistence is key, when trying to get a Japanese girl. Japanese girls are programmed to be demurring and elusory. Every dating culture has some sort of social footwork involved, and in Japan, “hard to get” is the name of the game. Outgoing and forward women are considered unsavory, and the expression of one’s inner feelings is a rarity on par with a flying purple unicorn. This is because of social stigmas. Japanese women don’t want to be considered グイグイ (pushy), so even if they want you to talk to them, flirt with them, or ask them out, they won’t express that desire. It’s your job, as the foreign guy, to learn enough about how Japanese women behave to pick up on the subtle social cues that reveal their true intent. This is easier said than done, but the one factor that can help you in this regard is persistence. Keep asking. Keep calling. Keep expressing your feelings to her. Write her poems. Sing her songs. Send her flowers. Do whatever you need to do to express your desire to date her, and never let up (even if she says “no” fifty times). If she is still speaking to you and responding in any way, she’s likely interested. If she’s really not interested, she’ll block you from her life without a second thought. Allowing you to continue courting her is a good sign that she would at least consider dating you. Just remember to respect her, and try not to be a stalker. If she really means no, then respect her decision. If she shyly denies you but yet continues to talk to you and accepts dates, then you might be in like Flynn. Then again, she could be just taking the date to get free food and money. That happens too.  

Have Blonde Hair and Blue Eyes

Seriously. Japanese girls love blond-haired guys. It’s actually a bit ridiculous. It’s so out of control, that many anime characters are drawn with blond hair and blue eyes so huge that they look like planetoids. This is all because of the Japanese obsession with the stereotypical foreign look. So, if you are a white guy with blonde hair and blue eyes, you are in luck – tons of Japanese girls will love you. If you are Indian, black, or of Asian descent, you might have a harder time. Again, this is a generality. There are exceptions to this rule. Ms. Japan, after all, is of mixed race, and is half black. Of course, she did get a huge backlash and was called a foreigner, despite having been born and raised in Japan, so take that with a grain of salt. The sad reality is that people who are not white and equipped with a native American accent have a harder time succeeding, in Japan. So how do you get the girl, if you aren’t white? Just follow the other points in this article: have money (lots of it), work for a reputable company, make sure that your Japanese is at least passable, behave like a stereotypical man, have confidence, and be persistent. If you do these things and you are a genuinely attractive and interesting person, you still have a chance to be with the girl of your dreams, even if you don’t look like an anime character.

So there you have it, Part Two. How did you snag the Japanese girl of your dreams? Let us know in the comments!

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